The Evanescence Of Time

BumberShootStudio Paintings

Grabbing the branch and lifting my feet off the ground, I attempt to swing my legs up and onto the tree, only to find myself completely loosing grip while all strength evaporates from my arms. Lying on the ground, I realize that I was tricked by my mind to believe that I could still do this. Seasons have come and gone as the calendar pages turn, and physically I've enter a stage in my life called 'middle age'. But mentally it doesn't feel like anything has changed...what does middle age supposed to feel like in our mind anyhow?

My brain does not think in the realm of younger or older, but it does process experiences and makes calculations accordingly. I believe this is why it's so important to not always choose to sit on the side lines, but actually be in the game to benefit the most insight from it...of course, we can gain knowledge from others, but we really learn to do things by doing them.

Regardless of the logistics, or how I imagine our brain works, bottom line...my mind does not 'think' it is the same age as my body. So much so, that I would not know that I was a woman of middle age if it wasn't for the mirrors constant reminder of it. I feel like, I just barely started painting this picture and now the paper is showing age spots!

Last year I began using a bullet journal, and to start this year off, I filled January up with mindful quotes about 'time' and its reminder of the evanescence of all things connected to this world. Evanescence means to gradually disappear and vanish from sight. More then ever, I want to be investing in the areas of my life that will transcend, rise above and go beyond the limits of time.

In time, my painting will evanish...but the joy and impact that it hopefully made in peoples lives will not dissipate. The areas of my life that will remain, are the areas I invested in others. The awareness of being 'middle age' can make us turn inward, become self absorbed,  and keep a tight grip on what we have - that's exactly what I don't want...I don't have to be scared of my life fading away if I am already giving it away.

As far as my little episode with the tree goes...falling down only makes me want to climb it all the more. Call it stubborn, call it foolish, call it vanity if you want, but my mind says 'I can' and I've learned, from doing it before, that I can. I just have to work a little harder for it now,
and avoid mirrors at all costs ;)

A Pigs Life

BumberShootStudio Paintings
Copyright 2019
Gift Card Sets coming soon

The music playing in the taxi is totally foreign, can't understand a word of it...yet it sounds completely normal to me.
I also can't read anything, nothing here is in English...but the truth is, I don't notice it anymore.
I go about daily life surrounded by people, hundreds of people, and there is not a single conversation around me that I can apprehend. I hear everything and understand nothing...yet I somehow know what's going on as if it's always been this way. It's the weirdest thing, but none of it phases me anymore.

If you were to rewind the tape of my life back to the first time I lived here in China, twenty six years ago...all this was incomprehensible. My very existence here seemed erroneous, like a letter in the wrong place of the alphabet. It felt like someone else was living in my body and I was watching everything play out from a very somber, remote distance.

In my last post I mentioned how I take comfort in things that I know, truth is, we all take comfort in things that are familiar - that which is easy to recognize; because of being felt, seen, met, heard and yes, even smelt 'before'.

I've thought about the irony of it all, something can not become familiar without that 'before' part (that incomprehensible place). The uncomfortable stage that comes prior to it being familiar.

Really, this is our whole life, from the time we are born until the time we no longer are willing to leave our comfort zone. But it is in these uncomfortable, and I would dare say, painful stages of life that we expand our self-definition.

Here in China, living in your comfort zone is what they call 'living the life of a pig'.

I hope 2019 (till now), which is the 'Year Of The Pig', was not a literal mantra for most of us. But if it was...
The New Lunar Year is once again here and it's time to say good buy to 'a pigs life'. Spring Festival (Chinese New Year) symbolizes a fresh beginning.

So take that class you were interested in, but didn't think you had the time. Learn that new instrument you've always wanted too, but have been afraid because of your age. Write the book that you've been talking about, but can't find the motivation to commit. Delve into a new language that fascinates you and release that cat who has your tongue.

Take the risk...and experience life.

Even In The Silence

BumberShootStudio Paintings
Copyright 2017
Chinese Ink on Rice Paper
'Bamboo'

We'd be on the phone for hours, many times quietly not saying anything. 

Sounds like an oxymoron...a phone is for talking!  But we did it anyway and still do. I've only ever done this with my husband...but there is something comforting about knowing that someone is just right there, even in the silence.

Recently it looks like I went 'missing in action' with how still it's been on my blog. Writing takes a lot of time for me and every moment I've had to spare I've been pouring into several other projects I recently started. People have told me (on more than one occasion) that I can be quite compulsive. I tend to loose myself in whatever it is I'm doing at the time...until I reach a place with it that I feel is acceptable.

It's true I can get swept away, but in my defense...I've learned to play two new instruments, put together a functioning band and learned to paint in a new medium (Chinese Ink).

Even though there hasn't been much noise on my computer keyboard,
I'm still here.

Note to self...in the future, only take on one new project at a time!

The Shadow Knows

BumberShootStudio Paintings
Copyright 2016
'Sun Rising'

Everywhere I look, I see them.
In the booth next to me...standing in line...crossing the street. Their more then just vague images that are here one minute and gone the next. They are memories...still very much alive in my mind.

My family lived in Hong Kong for many years and every time my husband and I go back for a visit, we see shadows from our life everywhere we turn.

Some find these 'shadows' of the past haunting...always popping up to remind us of days gone bye. But I think of them as small sketches of something bigger, larger then just single isolated strokes in time.

The sun rises and shines its light on another day as I take a closer look at the Grand canvas of my life...wondering just how much color I've applied to it...is there any depth at all...have I taken any risks...is there purpose?

Reevaluating whats on the palette...will the moments the sun shines upon today become the lasting shadows that reach into tomorrow...and will they make a difference?

Beyond The Chaos

BumberShootStudio Paintings

As I glance down at my watch to estimate how much time I have left before reaching the point of no return and being late for my appointment, it dawns on me that I always do this...wait till the last moment after I had plenty of time to spare but now the pressures on and I need to rush to my destination!

Racing against traffic, annoyed by everything on the road and off (pity those who may have been in the vehicle with me), my blood pressure and anxiety level would always go through the roof.

Pondering this...not wanting to delve to deep into my psyche...I realized that part of me (a very broken part) actually craved and sought out opportunities to invoke surges of emotion. This would unfortunately effect relationships with the people around me as well. My confrontational personality seemed to set fire to everything and was always followed up by feelings of guilt.

Thankfully God has helped me over the years and pandemonium's a thing of the past. I do believe this is a large reason why watercolor originally intrigued me though. The medium is not just pretty but it's unpredictable and challenging. When the paint touches wet paper and explodes across the page, it comes alive and takes you on a journey. This wayfaring can be quite pleasing but it can also leave you with what looks like a muddled up mess!

As intimidating as it may look, be patient, the true potential is what lies beyond the chaos and it's what makes for some of the most beautiful paintings...and radiant lives.

Rain Or Shine

BumberShootStudio Paintings
Copyright 2014
Logo for BumberShootStudio
Drawing of myself

My moms family all live on the East Coast in America and I still have images in my mind of dripping wet umbrellas sitting by the front door in my grandmothers house. They were kept neatly contained in an umbrella stand and when it rained...boy did they sparkle!

The Oxford English Dictionary quotes "bumbershoot" (another name for umbrella) as "originally and chiefly U.S. slang" which is contrary to popular belief that it is British...just saying. Whether you use the term umbrella or bumbershoot it always seems to transport you somewhere rainy and wet. That is mostly why I chose it as my shops logo, wet...water...watercolor and bumbershoot sounds really cool! But did you know the umbrellas design was originally created as a means to shade yourself from the sun...

Dating back over four thousand years, ancient art and artifacts from China and Egypt depict evidence of these umbrellas and parasols first being used to provide shade from the sun...because why would anybody want to go outside when it's raining!

Webster's Dictionary definition of parasol is "a light umbrella that you use to protect yourself from the sun." We have of course waterproofed them over the years...because why would anybody want to be stuck inside just because it's raining!

I recently posted a short video clip on my Instagram showing hundreds of folks walking down the street here in China using umbrellas on a sunny day. At first (to a westerner) it seems ridiculous and somewhat over the top...even vanity!

After living here a while in this sub-tropical heat where the sun is relentless and walking is your main means of transportation, you desperately reach for any type of relief you can.
That's right...

I have an umbrella with me at all times now...in my purse, in my backpack, in Marks backpack, in the outside foyer of my flat (in case one is forgotten). I have many colors and sizes...big, small, pink, aqua, red, plaids even ones with ruffles and lace. I am unashamed to say vanity follows me everywhere, rain or shine!
When in Rome.
(I mean Asia ;)

Secondary

BumberShootStudio Paintings
Copyright 2014
'Simplicity'
(Sold)

While living in the Sonoran Desert (Arizona) we often described it to others as a 'green desert'...adding 'green' somehow brings the existence of life. People picture deserts as dry, barren waste lands, not beautiful vistas filled with trees, shrubs and cacti that look like jewels placed within the shimmering red sand.    

Back East in the U.S. (New England) the view is more a smorgasbord of delicious green shades ranging from cool blues to warm, bright, radiant strokes of deciduous color completely covering the landscape. A buffet of greens that change with every season!

Then there are the deep, rich greens of the Pacific Northwest (Washington/Oregon). Green is such a dominant color there that Seattle is nick named 'The Emerald City.' Massive-Jurassic size evergreens fill the horizon along with the Cascade Mountain Range making everything unbelievably picturesque.

Here in Southern China (Guangdong) the terrain is more a jungle of thick impenetrable evergreens that are dense and leafy, impossible to walk through and quite impressive. The green colors are flat and dull, lacking saturation except in areas closer to the ocean where they sparkle in comparison.  At first I thought it was a layer of dust and everything was just dirty...not so. The colors are faded because of how hard they are working to clean the air around us. Developing countries struggle in this area (America did too) learning to balance growth of industry and protection of the environment.

Green is a secondary color and most often takes back seat to other colors competing for our attention. So the next time you stop to see a sunset with it's brilliant red hues or hear the oceans aqua blue waves crashing upon the shore, take a moment...and breath in the green.